I’ve been taking my grandfather’s passing pretty hard. today tho, i think i saw the silver lining.
i was sleep, but i wasn’t sleep (it’s okay if you don’t get that). I saw him, my grandfather. we were laughing & having a marvelous time with one another. then, i remember thinking, “i’ve missed you so much”. then, i started thinking about why i’ve missed him & then it hit me.
i looked at him, stopped smiling & everything & told him this wasn’t real. he looked about me smiling & said it was. i told him he isn’t alive, i remember, i remember why i’ve missed him. he told me he is alive. i said, “no no i remember seeing you there, i remember seeing you, i saw you in a casket how are you here & i saw you in the casket? you died.” he said, “yes, i died but now i’m alive.” i just stared at him, face so full, smile so big & he said it again, “i died, but now i’m alive. i’m okay. & i’m here with you”
then i hugged him so tight. i hugged my granpa so tight.
this is the second time this has happened to me & this time i actually realized what happened. the first time this happened was earlier this year with my ex-boyfriend who passed away from cancer 7 years ago. his name is chris. he came to me the same way & told me he was fine. told me i will be fine & to keep my head up. both had a huge impact on my life, both passed from cancer, both taught me so many things in my life. what i saw in chris i saw in my grandfather. what i went through with chris made me strong for when it happened with my grandfather. i keep a charm he got me about 8-9 years ago. it has “chris loves letecia” with the date of the day we started dating again, the date we said we were serious this time & neither of us would leave the other. that date is my grandfather’s birthday.
god makes no mistakes. & god is the illest artist i know