realization: i have a really hard time letting go of things, even of the things that harm me. it’s weird because i literally know there is no reason for me to still have this attachment yet i keep finding my way back. it’s ridiculous. it’s embarrassing. it’s harmful to my personal growth and success in all areas in my life. 

goal: find some way to let go and stay away

i struggle with the acceptance of how skinny i am. i can look in the mirror at my house with half of my clothes on and say “yes girl you’ve got it” and then when i go to the gym and catch a glimpse of myself in those huge mirrors i’m just like “omg  you are so skinny child”. now some of this can be the difference in the clothes i am wearing. I just find myself at times to be a bit awkward. i’m not saying i would like to gain weight. i love my body i just wish my perception of it would stay the same. i truly believe i was a bit more muscular when i was in high school. i played field hockey and basketball and i know what my body used to look like. i also gained the freshman 15 so i was a bit thicker. but recently i’ve lost weight and i’m having to deal with learning how to accept that i’m skinnier than i was five years ago… it’s a challenge but i’m slowly accepting it. it’s not like i look in the mirror like “ew you are too skinny” i just look in the mirror and say “wow” and recognize that i’m noticing a change :/

it’s 1:11pm and i’m thinkin bout alcohol… not tryna get drunk, i just want some… possibly just a buzz at the most

im so confident in my next steps in life. i believe im confident because i’m ready. i’m so ready to take on the world and new experiences and life and love. and i’m confident and i KNOW they will work out because i’m not confident for selfish reasons or negative reasons. everything will work out and i’m sl excited

pure carrot juice… im scared to drink it

it bothers me when someone speaks on someone else’s life. i mean i didn’t know you had so much power to just talk about someone like you aren’t human, like you are the highest god of gods. 

people can’t live unless they are passing judgments and it’s sad. i never understand why people can’t just focus on their own life

Rihanna

in life you have your core. my number one core will always be my cousin craig. she has been there since day one and has never left my side. i love her forever. she is the true epitome of what a friend she be like.   

honey and sugar today
did wonders for my face
it feels so soft
and clean
i can’t stop touching it
but i know i should

there are things we have to learn. once these things are learned we are better equipped to make the best decisions for ourselves as well as whomever else we may need to make a decision for if needed. today, along with other days, i have learned a great truth that will not change. upsetting and depressing as that may sound, i believe it is the continuous push i need to GTFOH because it will only get “worse”. 

So I’m reading an article for my Ethics in Medicine class (Philosophy Minor Req.) and it said something about Jehovah’s Witnesses not believing (wanting) blood transfusions and the doctors overriding their refusal, or not overriding their refusal. So this interested me because I did not know that was a belief

According to thee web: Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that the Bible prohibits ingesting blood and the four parts (components) of blood which are red cells, white cells, platelets, and plasma. So under no circumstances will (some, many, most, idk) do blood transfusions, donate blood, nor will they store blood, even if it is a life or death situation. 

Well then… 

my crappy laptop camera capturing me covering rihanna’s no love allowed

today i walked dangerously close to birds not noticing because i was late for class. when i looked down they were bathing in a puddle. the walked out calmly and shook off the excess water. 

also in two hour traffic i watched the highway lights come on

both of these experiences pleased me greatly. the birds made me laugh a cute chuckle laugh, and the lights made me smile because it was something so small that i noticed. 

this is my life lol. which is creepy. put me around water and i’m so serene 

(via zodiacsociety)